I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
