i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You need a sexual gate keeper
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
