at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
there is glitter all over my balls
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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