Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You should frame my arrest warrant.
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