Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
