i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Randomize
