saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
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