First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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