What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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