Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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