I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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