I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
