you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
