How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
