I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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