omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
