honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
