We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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