There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
bring money and cleavage
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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