Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
We smell like vodka and hangover
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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