I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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