she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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