Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
