he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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