Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
not ubering you a puppy
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
