Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
