Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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