I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
