I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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