i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
