Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize