respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
