She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
