Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
