we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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