I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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