honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
