Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
