I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
My breasts were aching with rage.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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