the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
