i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
