Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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