Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
