I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
