don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
