My sheets look like a crime scene.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Is it penis luge time yet?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
