I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
