Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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