yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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