His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
