Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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