She is in my trunk
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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