im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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