This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize