Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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