i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
