look no pants
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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