i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
