Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Randomize
