I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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