Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
