Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
