I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I think people are normalizing furries
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
