We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
