Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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