She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
It's shark week go big or go home
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I have peed in a lot of sinks
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize