I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
