ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
