hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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