I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
