girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
She told me I should be a condom model.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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