Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
