Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
