ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Sorry my hands just texted you
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
